Max, I've thought a lot about it,
and I can't sit there while that woman waves my father's penis in Piers Morgan's face.
You're lucky it's not Anderson Cooper, 'cause he'd be giggling up a storm.
I have a plan. My goal on this show is gonna be to discredit that woman
and tell people, even though my father did a bad thing, he did some wonderful things as well.
Look, here he is working with UNICEF. Here he is rebuilding haiti.
Oh, this is just a cute picture of him water-skiing at a charity event on Lake Tahoe.
What's the charity? White men without golf clubs?
So that's my plan, and hopefully, going on that show will put an end to all these ridiculous rumors about my father.
Hey, Caroline. Yeah. The word on the street is your dad's got a weenis.
Sophie, how did you hear about that?
Oleg told me.
It came up on my Google penis alerts. I like to keep current, see what the trends are.
You don't want to be that middle-aged guy wearing the same penis you had in high school.
Great, now, it's all over the internet. And my shoulders are all up around my ears.
Look, I'm too tense to even shake my head "no" at that liar woman, which was gonna be my key move.
I need a massage, but I'm broke.
Caroline, I'll give you a massage.
Get ready for a sad ending. And beginning, and middle.
There. Oh, yeah. How does that feel?
Like baby spiders are dancing on my shoulders.
You're the first Asian I've seen that can't give a massage.
Hey, Caroline, I'll treat you and Max to a massage at my fancy spa.
Cool! I've never been to a spa.
The closest I've been is sticking my arm in the free blood pressure machine at Walgreens.
Wait, that's for your arm?
Thanks for the massage, Han.
It was very nice... Oh, you're still doing it. I had no idea.